An Inquiry into Conflict

Conflict permeates all of human relationships. Once you begin to see it, you cannot stop seeing it. Somehow, being human is bound up with living in conflict. How you resolve this conflict is up to you. But the reward is Harmony. Something sought by everyone, no matter what faith or lack thereof.

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My vision of The Kingdom of Heaven or why Conflict

In a place filled with yells, slaps and discipline, anger in all its forms - I used to start the morning meetings with the following statement: God, whenever I become angry, allow me to be Kind. And whenever I get angrier, allow me to be Kinder. So be it.

One tired day, I laid in my bed and I saw the Kingdom of Heaven. It was an infinite white and blue geometrical tapestry filled with figures I knew where angels. Peace was everywhere. It was Perfect. Every piece fit together with every other. But above all, it was white, and it was Infinite. God was there, a hierchichy stood up as some figures were above all others. Tthis white tapestry explored itself. It was breath taking. ‘El Cielo’, I knew. Heaven. This I understood. It was the happiest day of my life. But then one word, this enigmatic word popped into my field of consciousness: “El Conflicto.” The Conflict. Something that could disrupt this tapestry in its entirety. It could make one shape fight with other and then other and then reality would confuse itself and violence would rise.

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Am I crazy? Philosopher René Girard doesn't think so.

Religion, in Girard's analysis, emerges primarily as humanity's original conflict management system. Religious myths, rituals, and prohibitions function to regulate mimetic competition and provide controlled outlets for violence.

According to René Girard's revolutionary insight, conflict stems from our tendency to want what others want simply because they want it. This mimetic rivalry inevitably escalates into violence.

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Where do you find conflict?

- In your family discussions

- At school or university

- While commuting to work

- While talking to your boss

- While dealing with your spouse

- At a legal dispute

- With your house neighbors

And in any place where you are not alone, conflict is always latent.

Observe it. See it everywhere. Anger, resentment, sadness, pain. Once you do notice it, return to this blog and read the other essays.

I hope they spark something within.

Remember, conflict can always be resolved. Harmony awaits you.

Self-Control is essential to prevent and solve Conflict. All Conflict is primarily perpetuated by Offense which is consciously preventing the fullfilment of another's desire. Managing your own desires allows you to avoid and solve Conflicts with others more efficiently and reach Harmony.

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The concept of mimetic desire, primarily developed by René Girard, presents a fascinating connection with the lack of self-control. This relationship can be explored from multiple academic perspectives.

Philosophical Perspective

René Girard, in his work "Deceit, Desire, and the Novel" (1961), suggests that our desires are not autonomous but arise through imitation of a model or mediator. We don't desire objects for their intrinsic value, but because others—whom we admire or envy—desire them. This "triangle of desire" implies a fundamental loss of autonomy:- The desiring subject- The desired object- The mediator who inspires desireJean-Paul Sartre, although from another perspective, also explored how the gaze of the other shapes our desire in "Being and Nothingness" (1943). Sartre suggests that our freedom is compromised by the influence of others.

Psychological Perspective

Social psychology has confirmed many aspects of mimetic theory:- Robert Cialdini, in "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" (1984), documents the "principle of social proof" where we tend to imitate the behavior of others, especially in situations of uncertainty.- Solomon Asch's studies on conformity (1951) demonstrated how individuals can abandon their personal judgment to conform with the group.- Research on the "bandwagon effect" shows how we adopt behaviors or beliefs because others do, demonstrating our vulnerability to social contagion.

Neuroscience Perspective

Neuroscience has provided biological evidence for mimetic desire:- The discovery of mirror neurons by Giacomo Rizzolatti and his team in the 1990s demonstrated a specific neural mechanism for imitation. These neurons activate both when we perform an action and when we observe another performing it.- Neuroimaging studies show that observing others experience rewards activates our own reward circuits, especially in the nucleus accumbens and ventromedial prefrontal cortex.

The Gospels can be viewed as a comprehensive conflict resolution manual, offering principles and practices that transcend their religious context. Throughout Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, Jesus consistently demonstrates and teaches methods for addressing interpersonal tensions, social conflicts, and ethical dilemmas. His approaches—embracing forgiveness, practicing radical empathy, turning the other cheek, and loving enemies—provide practical frameworks for de-escalating conflicts and building reconciliation.

This conflict resolution framework appears not just in explicit teachings but in Jesus's lived example. When confronted with accusations, he often responds with questions rather than defensive statements. When faced with violence, he chooses non-violent resistance. When encountering marginalized individuals, he creates space for dialogue across social boundaries. These patterns, taken together, offer a coherent methodology for addressing conflicts at personal, communal, and societal levels.

The Lord's Prayer as Conflict Resolution Framework

"Our Father, who art in heaven": This opening establishes a shared identity model, reminding conflicting parties of their common ground and connection. By acknowledging a relationship to something greater than ourselves, it creates perspective that can diminish the perceived magnitude of present conflicts.

"Hallowed be thy name": This phrase introduces a reverence model that encourages respect for what each party holds sacred. In conflict resolution, understanding and honoring what others deeply value creates space for dignified dialogue.

"Thy kingdom come, thy will be done": This presents an ideal state model, encouraging parties to envision and work toward a better future beyond the immediate conflict. It shifts focus from present grievances to collaborative future-building.

"On earth as it is in heaven": This sentence embodies the alignment model, suggesting that our actions should reflect our highest values. It encourages consistency between stated principles and practical behaviors during conflict.

"Give us this day our daily bread": This introduces the present needs model, focusing attention on addressing immediate requirements before tackling larger issues. Conflict resolution often begins with small, practical steps that meet urgent needs.

"And forgive us our trespasses": This establishes a self-examination model, encouraging parties to acknowledge their own contributions to conflict before demanding change from others.

"As we forgive those who trespass against us": This reciprocity model connects our treatment of others with how we wish to be treated, creating a foundation for mutual forgiveness and moving forward.

"Lead us not into temptation": This presents a prevention model, recognizing that avoiding conflicts through mindfulness and restraint is often more effective than resolving them after escalation.

"But deliver us from evil": This protection model acknowledges that sometimes external forces exacerbate conflicts, suggesting that parties may need to unite against destructive influences.

"For thine is the kingdom, power, and glory forever": This final perspective model reminds conflicting parties of the temporal nature of their disputes compared to larger, enduring truths—helping to right-size conflicts.

50 Conflict Resolution Mental Models from the Gospels and Sermon on the Mount

The Golden Rule Model: Treating others as you wish to be treated as the foundation of all interaction

Turning the Cheek Model: Strategic non-resistance that breaks cycles of retaliation

Extra Mile Model: Exceeding expectations to transform relationships

Peacemaker Identity Model: Viewing conflict resolution as core to one's purpose

Salt and Light Model: Preserving relationships while illuminating truth

Root Cause Analysis Model: Addressing anger before it manifests as harmful action

Reconciliation Before Worship Model: Prioritizing relationship repair over religious ritual

Agree Quickly Model: Resolving disputes before they escalate to formal mediation

Thought Origin Model: Recognizing conflicts begin in thought patterns before becoming actions

Hyperbolic Amputation Model: Taking radical action to remove sources of recurring conflict

Truth-Speaking Model: Creating trust through honest communication without manipulation

Enemy Love Model: Extending goodwill beyond in-group boundaries

Perfection Pursuit Model: Striving for complete conflict resolution rather than partial solutions

Private Correction Model: Addressing issues directly with individuals before wider audiences

Non-Judgment Model: Suspending criticism to create space for understanding

Log Removal Model: Self-examination before criticizing others

Ask-Seek-Knock Model: Persistence in pursuing resolution

Narrow Gate Model: Choosing difficult paths toward authentic resolution over easy superficial fixes

Fruit Recognition Model: Evaluating conflict approaches by their outcomes

Solid Foundation Model: Building relationships on implemented principles rather than mere knowledge

Authority Recognition Model: Resolving conflicts through demonstrated competence rather than positional power

Good Samaritan Model: Transcending social boundaries to address human need

Prodigal Return Model: Creating space for restoration after relationship breakdown

Lost Sheep Model: Prioritizing the marginalized in conflict situations

Forgiveness Multiplication Model: Extending forgiveness repeatedly (seventy times seven)

Persistent Widow Model: Strategic insistence on justice until resolution

Tax Collector Humility Model: Acknowledging fault without self-justification

First Stone Model: Requiring moral consistency before condemnation

Living Water Model: Addressing underlying needs rather than surface disputes

Good Shepherd Model: Taking responsibility for others' wellbeing even at personal cost

Light of the World Model: Bringing clarity to confused or darkened situations

Bread of Life Model: Meeting essential human needs as prerequisite to conflict engagement

Foot Washing Model: Using servant leadership to transform power dynamics

One Flock Model: Envisioning unity while acknowledging diversity

Vine and Branches Model: Recognizing interconnection among conflicting parties

Peace Bequest Model: Intentionally creating and leaving harmony in relationships

New Commandment Model: Centering love as the guiding principle for all interaction

Grain of Wheat Model: Accepting necessary sacrifices for breakthrough resolution

Abundant Life Model: Seeking flourishing for all parties rather than mere compromise

True Shepherd Model: Distinguishing authentic leadership from self-interest in mediation

Beatitude Paradox Model: Finding strength and resolution through vulnerability

Blessed Mourning Model: Transforming grief into motivation for positive change

Meekness Inheritance Model: Gaining influence through gentleness rather than force

Righteousness Hunger Model: Maintaining passionate commitment to just outcomes

Mercy Reciprocity Model: Creating cycles of compassion that transform conflicts

Pure Heart Perception Model: Developing clarity to see beyond conflict positioning

Kingdom Proximity Model: Recognizing when resolution brings transcendent breakthrough

Persecution Response Model: Maintaining principle even when conflict resolution brings backlash

Salt Preservation Model: Acting as stabilizing influence in volatile situations

City on Hill Model: Creating visible examples of resolved conflict for broader community learning

The ancient wisdom found in the statement "If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift" [Matthew 5:23-24] presents a profound philosophical framework for understanding human relationships. When examined through pragmatic and idealistic lenses—setting aside its religious context—this teaching offers remarkable insights into both effective social functioning and aspirational human potential.

The Pragmatic Dimension of Prioritized Reconciliation

From a purely practical standpoint, the instruction to pause even important activities to address unresolved conflicts demonstrates sophisticated awareness of how human psychology and social dynamics function. This approach recognizes several pragmatic realities about human relationships:

Cognitive and Emotional Efficiency

Unresolved interpersonal tensions create significant cognitive and emotional burdens that diminish effectiveness across all areas of life. Contemporary psychological research confirms that unaddressed conflicts consume mental resources through what is termed "cognitive load." The brain allocates attention and processing power to perceived social threats, reducing capacity for other tasks. By instructing individuals to resolve conflicts before proceeding with other important activities, this ancient wisdom intuitively recognizes that divided attention compromises performance.

The Economics of Early Intervention

The directive to "go immediately" represents what conflict resolution specialists would call "early intervention"—addressing issues before they compound and entrench. From a purely economic perspective, this approach minimizes both the emotional and practical costs of conflict. Unresolved tensions typically escalate, requiring exponentially more resources to address later. Early reconciliation thus represents an efficiency principle that preserves valuable social capital.

Network Stability and Productivity

Social networks with established mechanisms for repair and reconciliation demonstrate greater longevity and productivity than those without such mechanisms. By prioritizing relationship repair, this approach helps maintain functional social systems. In organizational contexts, unresolved conflicts between team members have been shown to reduce overall productivity by 20-40%. The practical instruction to resolve tensions before continuing other activities recognizes that social cohesion is a prerequisite for collective achievement.

Stress Reduction and Health Benefits

The physiological stress response triggered by ongoing conflict taxes physical health and emotional wellbeing. Chronic interpersonal tension elevates cortisol levels, compromises immune function, and increases cardiovascular risk. By prioritizing reconciliation, this approach offers a practical pathway to reduced stress and improved health outcomes—benefits that enhance functioning across all domains of life.

The Idealistic Vision of Human Potential

Beyond pragmatic benefits, this teaching embodies an idealistic vision of human possibility. It suggests that harmonious relationships are not merely a pleasant luxury but essential to a properly functioning society and individual fulfillment.

The Primacy of Human Connection

By placing reconciliation above other important activities, this principle elevates human connection to a position of primary importance. This reflects an idealistic view that meaningful activity cannot be separated from the relational context in which it occurs. While pragmatism might focus on the instrumental benefits of reconciliation, idealism sees relationship repair as intrinsically valuable—a good in itself rather than merely a means to other ends.

Moral Interdependence and Responsibility

The instruction acknowledges that individual moral action exists within a web of relationships. Personal integrity requires attending to the effects of one's behavior on others. This represents an idealistic conception of selfhood as fundamentally connected rather than isolated. By directing individuals to take initiative in reconciliation regardless of fault, it promotes a vision of proactive moral responsibility that transcends minimal obligation.

The Possibility of Transformation

Perhaps most idealistically, this approach suggests that transformed relationships can lead to transformed communities. It presents reconciliation not merely as conflict resolution but as community building. This embodies the idealistic belief that human social arrangements are not fixed by necessity but can be continuously improved through intentional effort and commitment to higher principles.

Universal Application and Moral Equality

The principle applies to everyone equally, regardless of status or position, reflecting an idealistic commitment to moral equality. It suggests that no one is exempt from the responsibility of maintaining healthy relationships, and that reconciliation is a universal human obligation. This egalitarian dimension challenges hierarchical systems where reconciliation might otherwise flow primarily from the less to the more powerful.